Piranha 3D

Aug 2010, Alexandre Aja, 88 mins

First and foremost, Piranha 3D is the best blend of ‘hard core gore’ and ‘soft core porn’ ever to jump off the screen. It’s a ballad of intense feeding frenzies, outlandish blood splatter, and boobs. With the amount of mammary glands being thrown around in Piranha 3D, a more appropriate name might be Piranha DD.

Director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors) blends his background in horror films to what ends up being one of the funniest films of the summer. Unlike The Other Guys or Dinner for Schmucks, two comedies that somewhat underperformed in the laugh category, Piranha holds nothing back. It accepts itself as schlock and successfully hits every note. Is it cheap? Is the film quality a little grainy even in 3D? Yes, yes… but that’s the essence of the film.

When Francis Ford Coppolla set out to make The Godfather, he wanted to make a modern mafia epic... the end product was the pinnacle film of the genre. In the same vein, Piranha 3D’s makers wanted to craft a campy homage to the late 70's and 80's creature feature and mix in current Hollywood guts and implants... the end product is a campy, big-boobed slaughterfest.

A movie like Piranha 3D should not be viewed by mothers and their 8 year old sons. A lesson I was taught by the pair sitting next to me at the movies last night. Lady, what the #!*@ were you thinking! The kid almost pooped his pants during the previews for some new stupid horror flick and now you’re going to subject him to Skinamax meets late night SciFi material? Epic fail in an effort to secure the “I’m a cool mom” award – she actually admitted defeat about 45 minutes into the movie, when they left. Yes. It’s that good.

And now, the plot in 25 words: A small earthquake unleashes a pack of human eating piranhas into Lake Victoria (Havasu) during spring break week. Hide the kids, and the silicone enhancements!

Piranha 3D goes the extra mile to succeed as a B-Movie. With all of its raunchiness and hilarity, it moves past failed attempts like Snakes on a Plane and ventures into its own category... a remake of crap worthy of its own sequel.

Avatar

Dec 2009, James Cameron, 162 mins

James Cameron has held many titles in his lengthy film career; Oscar Winner, King of the World, Living Legend. With Avatar, he is the writer and director; one of these titles, he excelled in and the other... not so much.

Avatar is a monumental film. The 3D design and imagery breakthroughs put it on a level not seen in any film, ever. Cameron’s ingenious direction of CGI, live-action, and green screen landscapes make the film stand out as an achievement in art. At the same time, the story fails to develop.

With all the grandeur, and believe me the film is grand, the narrative and side love story sink faster than the Titanic. The first 2 hours begin to drag after the initial shock of the world of Pandora is shown. There is a memorable villain but a villain that pretty much just points at things and drinks coffee. This is as far as my negativity will go.

Avatar is the most visually stunning movie I have ever seen. The world Cameron has created is a thing of pure and un-clichéd beauty. From the majestic living trees, the luminescent habitat, to the flying dinosaur-type beasts, it’s a wonder to watch.

The film’s lead, Sam Worthington (Terminator: Salvation) does a fine job at being a dull marine with a heart that, somehow, isn't so destroyed by war that he has lost hope for humanity. Though, the film does make you wonder about the nature of humanity. When does the human race become the Alien invader that planets are fearful of? What happens if we are the flashing light in the sky or the yellow orb that scares the natives? What if we created the war of the worlds?

The film has the normal screenplay beats to it. The acts follow a standard procedure. Cameron has not reinvented the movie; he has reinvented the viewer. No longer can films get by with blowing up built-to-scale White Houses with cherry bombs and stop motion lenses. Now it needs to literally jump from the screen at you. If you see this movie, see it big and loud and bright. Go to your nearest IMAX 3D cinema and see it right.

The special effects now have a special affect, finally. You can’t watch this masterpiece of visionary creativity without gasping at the incredible visuals. It’s honestly amazing. For two and half hours, your eyes will go “WOW!” It’s too bad that every now and then, your mind will go “wait...what?”