The Taking of Pelham 123

Jun 2009, Tony Scott, 106 mins (out on DVD Nov 3)

It’s hard for this reviewer to believe that anyone associated with the creation of The Taking of Pelham 123 would have been happy with the end result. The film is a thrill-less thriller with a $100 million budget. The first minute or two of Tony Scott’s remake had the quick cuts and shaky camera that is his style (see Man on Fire, Domino) and a small inkling of what an intense movie could feel like. However, over the next 100 minutes there was little to separate the film from a high school production created on a budget of $20.

Travolta does his normal bad guy thing (Face-Off, Broken Arrow) to an underwhelming note. Washington, the one and only “plus” of the film, does his part but his hero character isn’t given the range or scenes to pump any blood into the role. The original, starring Walter Mathau and Robert Shaw, couldn't possibly have been this bland.

Once Travolta’s Ryder character had taken control of the train, I kept waiting to care about the scenarios developing on screen. I wanted to route against him or feel for the captives but everyone was just too level. The film never sold me.

I honestly was dying to see what the twist was going to be. What character had been hiding a deep seeded secret and was going to flip the story on its head in a barrage of gun fire and lies... but nothing. There were hints of such a twist. Side stories and ideas were bounced around but never came to a head. I would have settled for a lame “there’s-no-way-that-really-would-have-worked” type of twist. But nothing. Just as time runs out in blowout basketball games, with the losing team never having a push for a comeback, this film went to the locker room with a slight whimper and its tail between its legs. A bore through and through.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Jun 2009, Michael Bay, 150 mins

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a big, pretty, metallic, 150 minute long piece of crap. That’s it, that’s the whole review.

I should stop there, but that wouldn’t be fitting for a film that itself was about double the length it should have been. Once you get past the first hour or so, the robotic action runs its course. Not to mention the million new robots that enter the fray this go around. I’m sorry, but I was exhausted just trying to follow the paper thin romance of Megan Fox and Shia LeBouf… by the way, come on... come on! Who is the casting director?

Let me take a step back; I liked the first movie and I liked some of the action in the second. It was entertaining but the story was absolute junk. And I know, I should have “checked my brain at the door” – and I did that, I swear I did that. I just don’t like the idea that a movie with such a huge budget and marketing campaign couldn’t have come up with anything better than what stuck when it was thrown at the screen.

There were so many lame jokes and unfunny characters that the second half of the film really became an endurance test. What was fun became old and boring. By the time the final showdown occurred, there were so many robots trying to run through the hole-ridden plot that I can’t even remember who won. I think Megatron and Optimus Prime were there but I’m not sure.

With all this said, Transformers Revenge is a big summer movie with a lot of effects. There will be another one I’m sure. Hopefully the writers can take enough of a break to write a draft or two and get it right next time. It feels to me that this script was rushed into production shortly before the writers’ strike of last year. When a studio cuts corners like that, you get movies like Transformers Revenge, Spiderman 3, and anything staring Miley Cyrus.

Semi-Pro

Feb 2008, Kent Alterman, 91 mins

What happens when you make a stupid comedy that has a lot of laughs and Will Ferrell? You get Talladega Nights. What happens when you make a stupid comedy with one laugh and Will Ferrell? You get Semi-Pro.

Arguably one of the laziest comedies this side of Lets Go To Prison, Semi-Pro is a basketball comedy that should have been red-shirted. I haven't seen a movie waste 85 minutes this badly since the second half of Matrix Revolutions.

First off, the script was humorless from the start. Will Ferrell can take a bad script and make a funny movie (see Blades of Glory) but nothing was going to save this air ball from being a disaster.

The basketball was bland, the acting painfully unfunny, and the overall feel was stale and unnecessary.

What the film did have going for it were some great previews prior to the start of the movie. Step Brothers and The Guru look like great comedies. Too bad the movie that followed had only 1/3rd of the laughs the 2 minute long previews had.

Poor show.