Piranha 3D

Aug 2010, Alexandre Aja, 88 mins

First and foremost, Piranha 3D is the best blend of ‘hard core gore’ and ‘soft core porn’ ever to jump off the screen. It’s a ballad of intense feeding frenzies, outlandish blood splatter, and boobs. With the amount of mammary glands being thrown around in Piranha 3D, a more appropriate name might be Piranha DD.

Director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors) blends his background in horror films to what ends up being one of the funniest films of the summer. Unlike The Other Guys or Dinner for Schmucks, two comedies that somewhat underperformed in the laugh category, Piranha holds nothing back. It accepts itself as schlock and successfully hits every note. Is it cheap? Is the film quality a little grainy even in 3D? Yes, yes… but that’s the essence of the film.

When Francis Ford Coppolla set out to make The Godfather, he wanted to make a modern mafia epic... the end product was the pinnacle film of the genre. In the same vein, Piranha 3D’s makers wanted to craft a campy homage to the late 70's and 80's creature feature and mix in current Hollywood guts and implants... the end product is a campy, big-boobed slaughterfest.

A movie like Piranha 3D should not be viewed by mothers and their 8 year old sons. A lesson I was taught by the pair sitting next to me at the movies last night. Lady, what the #!*@ were you thinking! The kid almost pooped his pants during the previews for some new stupid horror flick and now you’re going to subject him to Skinamax meets late night SciFi material? Epic fail in an effort to secure the “I’m a cool mom” award – she actually admitted defeat about 45 minutes into the movie, when they left. Yes. It’s that good.

And now, the plot in 25 words: A small earthquake unleashes a pack of human eating piranhas into Lake Victoria (Havasu) during spring break week. Hide the kids, and the silicone enhancements!

Piranha 3D goes the extra mile to succeed as a B-Movie. With all of its raunchiness and hilarity, it moves past failed attempts like Snakes on a Plane and ventures into its own category... a remake of crap worthy of its own sequel.

Box Office Predictions

My predictions for Friday, August 27^th through Sunday, August 29^th

$14.5 --- The Last Exorcism

$7.8 --- Takers

$7.2 --- The Expendables

$7.0 --- Eat Pray Love

$5.6 --- Nanny McPhee Returns

$5.3 --- Vampires Suck

$5.3 --- The Other Guys

$5.0 --- Lottery Ticket

$5.0 --- Piranha 3D

$4.9 --- Inception

$4.8 --- The Switch

$2.5 --- Avatar: Special Edition

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Box Office Predictions

My predictions for Friday, June 18^th through Sunday, June 20^th

$102.0 --- Toy Story 3

$27.8 --- The Karate Kid

$14.0 --- Jonah Hex

$10.7 --- The A-Team

$8.7 --- Shrek Forever After

$5.3 --- Get Him to the Greek

$4.0 --- Killers

$3.3 --- Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

$2.9 --- Marmaduke

$2.8 --- Sex and the City 2

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Box Office Predictions

My predictions for Friday, April 23^rd - Sunday, April 25^th

^{$14.9 --- How to Train Your Dragon}

$13.0 --- The Losers

$12.9 --- The Back-Up Plan

$10.9 --- Kick-Ass

$9.7 --- Date Night

$9.0 --- Oceans

$7.4 --- Clash of the Titans

$6.5 --- Death at a Funeral

$3.0 --- The Last Song

$2.4 --- Alice in Wonderland

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Kick-Ass

Apr 2010, Matthew Vaughn, 117 mins

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to hear a colorful comic book hero curse excessively on film? What if that colorful comic book hero is an 11 year old, angel-faced girl? Ok, even if you haven’t thought about this before, let me tell you, it’s frickin awesome! As is most of the new action-comedy, Kick-Ass, an original look at the overplayed comic book genre that has dominated multiplexes over the past decade.

In a world where everyone reads comics and watches their inspired movies, why hasn’t an actual superhero ever existed in what we call reality? Because, in reality, they would get their ass killed in two minutes, right? In Kick-Ass, we learn that a hero doesn’t need to knock people out with a “pow!” or a "bang!" ...or tie them in webs. They can simply blow the stuffing out of the bad guys with an arsenal of weaponry.

Nicolas Cage shows up as Big Daddy, a revenge minded Batman look-a-like who snipes and slashes with unmatched skill. Cage, despite his recent roles in stinkers like Bangkok Dangerous and The Wicker Man, is a good actor and strikingly not annoying in this performance. His sidekick, the 11 year old Hit Girl, is the gem of the movie. Watching her rumble with evil-doers in acrobatic fashion almost brings to mind a young Yoda. Her killer blade is only outdone by her killer tongue - cursing up a storm that even Tarantino would blush at.

Kick-Ass himself, a self made superhero who really is just a nerd in a wet suit, is great fun to watch. But by the end of the film he seems more like a side character than a title worthy lead.

Kick-Ass is a smart and timely movie that will have any adult viewer laughing. Its bloody violence is as extreme as anything I’ve seen in the past few years, and a nice treat considering the young cast and hip title.

Box Office Predictions

My predictions for Friday, April 16^th - Sunday, April 18^th

^{$21.5 --- Death at a Funeral}

$19.0 --- Kick-Ass

$16.5 --- How to Train Your Dragon

$14.5 --- Date Night

$13.8 --- Clash of the Titans

$5.4 --- The Last Song

$4.8 --- Why Did I Get Married Too?

$2.9 --- Hot Tub Time Machine

$2.9 --- Alice in Wonderland

$2.1 --- The Bounty Hunter

Hot Tub Time Machine

Mar 2010, Steve Pink, 100 mins

Hot Tub Time Machine is a good, raunchy, crude R rated comedy. Although it doesn’t challenge the hilarity of The Hangover, it does serve as a perfectly fine 100 minutes of dumb sex jokes and drunken antics. And it has John Cusack going back to the ‘80s with his tongue fully in his cheek.

Cusack and his crew (Craig Robinson, Clark Duke, and the awesome Rob Corddry) travel back through time in a... you guessed it... hot tub. After waking up from a booze-educed slumber and puking on a squirrel, the guys hit the slopes of their ski lodge. They notice fellow skiers in neon ski suits and leg warmers, chicks with crimped hair, and dudes listening to their cassette players. Inevitably, they realize that they have been transported to the Reagan era. Confused and desperately trying to avoid making Hitler president (via “the butterfly effect”), comedy ensues.

What is worth talking about is Corddry and his star making turn as Lou. As a drunk, bald, divorcee, Lou is the brightest light in this starry sky of belligerence. From his off-color pop culture references, to his unyielding whisky pounding and womanizing, this character is great fun to watch. In a movie where nothing is politically correct, Lou still manages to stand out.

Does the movie flow well, no. Will any of the big laughs be memorable enough to be talked about after the films theatrical run, no. Was it a great way to spend the evening, yes. It was also nice to see a film that didn’t need a third dimension just to get you in the seat.