The Boondock Saints

Nov 1999, Troy Duffy, 110 minutes

For those of you who have not seen The Boondock Saints, you are missing one of the rarest occurrences in life. Much the way the Titan Arum (a.k.a. the Corpse Flower) opens but once every decade, a straight to DVD classic like The Boondock Saints is as equally hard to witness. The film, by all normal theatrical traits, should have at least gotten a small release in cinemas back in 1999. If I had to make a list of worse movies to come out in the past decade that received theatrical runs, the list would wrap around the earth 2.5 times. The list would include 5 Saw movies, most of the resumé from Uwe Boll, and just about anything Tom Green has ever breathed on.

The Boondock Saints is sort of your anti-superhero superhero movie without superheroes, get it? They kill bad guys when the legal system can’t get to them. Sounds like a bad DeNiro / Pacino movie. However, the then young cast of Sean Patrick Flannery (best known as Young Indiana Jones) and Norman Reedus (best known for... well I guess this movie) battle Boston’s least-finest with a flair for religion and humor. The leads stumble into the act of being heroes. They didn’t want this position but now find themselves morally bound to clean up the streets. Director Troy Duffy avoids much of the cliché you would see in a heavy breathing crime drama by keeping much of the action and dialogue light and fast.

Stealing the show is Willem Dafoe, who gives a career changing performance as FBI Agent Paul Smecker. Smecker, a comfortable homosexual who seems just as comfortable berating other homosexuals, is one of the wildest characters ever thrown on screen. From his cross-dressing to his river dancing, he blurs the line of genius and insanity. Dafoe has never been more entertaining.

The film is full of religious overtones and a scene of the leads awakening to the righteous lives they should live, however it never gets overbearing. The religion in this film is cool; I can’t believe I’m saying that – but it is. The little prayers they say after whacking a group of guys… it’s cool. The church should spend more time sponsoring screenings of The Boondock Saints and less time trying to promote Passion of the Christ.

Finally, find this under-respected little picture before it becomes out of style. With a sequel in the works, soon enough it’s going to be unhip to be down with the Saints.

Semi-Pro

Feb 2008, Kent Alterman, 91 mins

What happens when you make a stupid comedy that has a lot of laughs and Will Ferrell? You get Talladega Nights. What happens when you make a stupid comedy with one laugh and Will Ferrell? You get Semi-Pro.

Arguably one of the laziest comedies this side of Lets Go To Prison, Semi-Pro is a basketball comedy that should have been red-shirted. I haven't seen a movie waste 85 minutes this badly since the second half of Matrix Revolutions.

First off, the script was humorless from the start. Will Ferrell can take a bad script and make a funny movie (see Blades of Glory) but nothing was going to save this air ball from being a disaster.

The basketball was bland, the acting painfully unfunny, and the overall feel was stale and unnecessary.

What the film did have going for it were some great previews prior to the start of the movie. Step Brothers and The Guru look like great comedies. Too bad the movie that followed had only 1/3rd of the laughs the 2 minute long previews had.

Poor show.

New on DVD - Fierce People

Nov 2007, Griffin Dunne, 107 mins

At the completion of Griffen Dunne's Fierce People, I found myself alone in my bathroom, curled up in the corner, banging my head up against the wall. Why you ask? ...because what had begun as one of the most profound and cinematically perfect coming-of-age tales, took one of the most deliberate and terrible turns down shit creek.

The best way to explain 'F.P.'s tragic demise is like a great thriller that has you on the edge of your seat for the first half of the film, then the second act kind of slips off, and by the end its become a slasher movie with fake blood and entrails splattered all over the place.

If I have confused anyone, I apologize. Fierce is not a thriller, its a classic tale of a poor boy meets rich girl over summer break.

Diane Lane and Donald Sutherland both give fine performances but every last delight the film offers in the first 100 minutes is crushed and smoothered by the cinematic equivalent of assisted suicide.

This is the breakdown
1st quarter: 3 1/2 stars
2nd quarter: 2 1/2 stars
3rd quarter: 2 stars
4th quarter: -1 star ...for a grand average of = 1.75 stars

This ain't 3rd grade math class so, we rounded down.

The Oscar Race

Today we will handle best Pic Nominations;

The underdog: Juno

A clever and hilarious look at one of the most popular after-school-special plots of all time... teenage pregnancy. Ellen Page delivers a solid performance in the title role. The writing is so witty and fun that it overshadows Page's strong performance. Not a likely Best Picture winner but with its 100+ Million box office take, its by far the most popular of the 5 nominees.

Jennifer Garner, Michael Cera, and JK Simmons are among a few of the stand out supporting roles in what has been tagged as this years Little Miss Sunshine. But like Sunshine a year ago, Juno will have to settle for the joy of the nomination.

Over-rated: Michael Clayton

Over-rated is a tough way to start this synopsis but Clayton honestly does not deserve to be in the group with these other fine movies (not that I've seen Atonement... yet). Clooney plays Clooney as a lawyer and he does it well. Tom Wilkinson gives his best performance since the terribly underrated In the Bedroom. Tilda Swinton... well, I just dont like her in anything. The plot twists are fun and they do catch you off guard but for a Best Picture to rely on an unforseeable twist is not a good thing. If a twist was all you needed to win a nomination, we'd see Fight Club and Wild Things holding statues as well.

A Close Second: There Will Be Blood

Thank god for Daniel Day-Lewis! Being a very unreligious man myself, I still feel like I must praise the holly lord for this fine actor. Lewis' performance is the best of the year, one of the top 5 or so I have ever seen (his performance in Gang's of New York is also on that list). Lewis takes his character, Daniel Plainview, a gritty oil driller, and pours every bit of energy he has into the role. The acting is so amazing that I found myself thinking this must be what Lewis is like in real life. Though a 3 1/2 star movie itself, the 2 1/2 hours have no steam when Plainview is off the screen. There is great cinematography but the overall amazement is kept solidly on the lead and the subtracts at the end from the final film just enough that its is this years runner up.

BEST PICTURE WINNER: No Country for Old Men

The Coen Brothers are genius. The film is genius. The acting is perfect from Josh Brolin to Tommy Lee Jones to Javier Bardem to Woody Harrelson. There is not a moment in the film that is not exciting. The editing, the sound, the landscapes, set designs, character development, gun battles, the horror, and the characters' chemistry are all perfect. The open ending is the one thing that stops the movie from being a full 4 star epic. But in a season where it has dominated the Best Picture Awards, it will continue to roll right to the Oscar podium. By the way, Javier Bardem gives the second best performance of the year here. Fortunatley for both Lewis and Bardem, they are in two seperate categories, lead and supporting respectively.

Sweeney Todd

Dec 2007, Tim Burton, 116 mins

OK, I knew it was going to be a musical but come on. I didn't know it was going to be that much a musical.

Johnny Depp is great, Tim Burton's set designs and effects were masterful but the story seemed to small and... well... musical for me. I wanted what the poster promised me, blood. Though there is a fair share of corn syrup splatter, the middling feel of watching a Broadway play, keeps me from fully liking this movie.

Perhaps my opinion is closed minded, I'm sorry, I thought I went to the movie theater?

All in all, its still a good final product, one that could have been great but was satisfied to just sing sweet nothings to the crowd.

Keep the music, give me my movie.

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Sep 2007, Sidney Lumet, 117 mins

Warning, if you have ever done something wrong, I mean really bad, never go see this movie. I have never felt so worried for myself while watching this film.

OK, here it is:

Two brothers (Andy- Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Hank- Ethan Hawke) need money. So, they plan the perfect, victimless crime... they decide to hold-up their parent's jewelery store... but since this is a movie, the plans go awry. And when I say awry, I mean terribly terribly wrong.

Andy and Hank spend the rest of the film digging themselves deeper into hell. At some points the film is as painfully uncomfortable to watch as Lisa Kudrow in The Comeback. This is a true testament to the actors and director who have put together a wonderfully crafted piece of art that is so haunting, it hurts the watcher.
In a supporting role, Albert Finney is fantastic as their father. But the two leads steal the show. It amazes me that Hawke and Hoffman, who share no physical similarities at all, can still fool the audience into thinking they are blood.

Anyways, tough movie but very good at the same time.

No Country for Old Men

Nov 2007, Ethan and Joel Coen, 122 mins

By now a million stunning reviews have come out for this Coen Brother's Western. Critics have called it a Masterpiece, an instant classic, and the best movie of the year. Awards groups have nominated it for Best Picture, Best Director/s, Best Supporting Actor, and Best Screenplay (New York Board of Review, SAG, Golden Globes...) ...bottom line, they're all right!

No Country is a taught thriller that hits you right in the face with its loud and bloody scenes. Javier Bardem is the perfect psycho assassin. Josh Brolin is as good as he could ever be. Tommy Lee Jones is spot on as the stoic, quiet, humbled sheriff. And for the first time since Larry Flint, Woody Harrelson doesn't suck.

Props to the directors for making a modern western with real men. The three main characters are not pretty boys like Christian Bale and Russell Crowe (3:10 to Yuma, anyone?). These are gritty men who, with their presence alone, make every moment feel real.