Thursday, August 26, 2010

Piranha 3D

Aug 2010, Alexandre Aja, 88 mins




First and foremost, Piranha 3D is the best blend of ‘hard core gore’ and ‘soft core porn’ ever to jump off the screen. It’s a ballad of intense feeding frenzies, outlandish blood splatter, and boobs. With the amount of mammary glands being thrown around in Piranha 3D, a more appropriate name might be Piranha DD.


Director Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes, Mirrors) blends his background in horror films to what ends up being one of the funniest films of the summer. Unlike The Other Guys or Dinner for Schmucks, two comedies that somewhat underperformed in the laugh category, Piranha holds nothing back. It accepts itself as schlock and successfully hits every note. Is it cheap? Is the film quality a little grainy even in 3D? Yes, yes… but that’s the essence of the film.

When Francis Ford Coppolla set out to make The Godfather, he wanted to make a modern mafia epic... the end product was the pinnacle film of the genre. In the same vein, Piranha 3D’s makers wanted to craft a campy homage to the late 70's and 80's creature feature and mix in current Hollywood guts and implants... the end product is a campy, big-boobed slaughterfest.

A movie like Piranha 3D should not be viewed by mothers and their 8 year old sons. A lesson I was taught by the pair sitting next to me at the movies last night. Lady, what the #!*@ were you thinking! The kid almost pooped his pants during the previews for some new stupid horror flick and now you’re going to subject him to Skinamax meets late night SciFi material? Epic fail in an effort to secure the “I’m a cool mom” award – she actually admitted defeat about 45 minutes into the movie, when they left. Yes. It’s that good.


And now, the plot in 25 words: A small earthquake unleashes a pack of human eating piranhas into Lake Victoria (Havasu) during spring break week. Hide the kids, and the silicone enhancements!


Piranha 3D goes the extra mile to succeed as a B-Movie. With all of its raunchiness and hilarity, it moves past failed attempts like Snakes on a Plane and ventures into its own category... a remake of crap worthy of its own sequel.


Box Office Predictions

My predictions for Friday, August 27th through Sunday, August 29th


$14.5 --- The Last Exorcism

$7.8 --- Takers

$7.2 --- The Expendables

$7.0 --- Eat Pray Love

$5.6 --- Nanny McPhee Returns

$5.3 --- Vampires Suck

$5.3 --- The Other Guys

$5.0 --- Lottery Ticket

$5.0 --- Piranha 3D

$4.9 --- Inception

$4.8 --- The Switch

$2.5 --- Avatar: Special Edition


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